Not only do I want to press the fast-forward button, I want to hit it twice.

With all these application essays, I've been forced to assess myself. The problem is, there are too many layers of bullshit to get a sufficient answer on who I am. I'm ambitious yet unmotivated, caring yet unconcerned, confident yet indecisive. Everytime I sit down and attempt to write, I feel like a complete liar. How am I supposed to "show my personality" when I'm not even sure of what that is?

The only thing I've come up with at all is that I'm slapstick comedy--all superficial with no class, and worst of all, you can't put it down on paper. There's no trace of wit, or brilliance, or creativity. Sure, I'm pretty decent at faking things, but do I really want to start off with a completely false pretense in college?
I know it actually wouldn't matter once I was accepted, but it would give me a little piece of mind to know I could attract attention simply by being myself rather than someone who only sounds humorous or intelligent in writing.

I've already given this idea way too much thought. Why can't I pretend and be satisfied like I usually am?

Oh yeah, because I'm not.